"Ladies, be careful. The male of the species can be very aggressive." -- Mrs. Calloway on universal truths.
Initial thoughts before viewing: Never seen it, barely heard of it.
Because so many people have never even heard of this movie, let alone seen it, here is a brief movie summary (courtesy of Disney+) to help set the stage for you: When a greedy outlaw schemes to take possession of a local dairy farm, three committed cows, a karate-kicking stallion, and a colorful corral of critters join forces to save their home. The stakes are sky-high as this unlikely animal alliance risks their hides and matches wits with a mysterious band of guys.
If you'd like a more comprehensive summary of Home on the Range, here is a link to the movie's Disney Wiki page where you can read the entire plot summary.
Highlights:
-Nada. Nothing. Zip.
Disliked:
-Rosanne Barr's *grating* voice. I did not know that Roseanne Barr was the voice of the main character (a cow named Maggie). As soon as that cow opened its mouth and popped a crude joke about her large utters ("Yeah, they're real, quit staring!"), I knew this movie was a lost cause. The people who thought that Rosanne Barr, a woman with the most annoying, grating, obnoxious voice, should play a character in a Disney film should be fired. Right out of the gate, Maggie the cow is a selfish, pushy, and unlikable character.
-The "villain" Alameda Slim is dull. He comes across more as unfunny and lame. His villain song detailing his hypnotic yodeling ability is painful and well, stupid. Disney has such a rich tradition of show-stealing antagonists -- this guy is an embarrassment when compared to the many, many villainous greats who came before him.
-An infuriating portrayal of casual sexual harassment. A couple of bulls sexually harass the 3 female cow protagonists early on in the movie. Why the hell does this story beat exist? It does nothing for the plot and just pissed me off. The worst part is that these creeper bulls come back at the end of the movie and are seemingly embraced by the animals on the farm. The film ends with the bulls and cows dancing merrily. Yay for casual sexual harassment in a kid's movie! Start 'em young, I guess.
-Home on the Range tries to be funny. It's not. Laughably poor dialogue and cheap jokes galore. Maggie is the worst offender with her witless one-liners such as "What is this, the frozen food section?" and "Well, isn't it the three maids of milking." There is an abundance of bad puns and tons of western stereotypes like overused hillbilly accents. Oi vey. No polish, no thought. How they suckered Judi Dench into voicing one of the piteous cows in this movie is beyond me.
-Home on the Range tries to be sentimental. It's not. At almost exactly the mid-point of this movie, Disney tries to infuse some human connection to this dumpster fire by slowing things down with a ballad called "Will the Sun Ever Shine Again?." It's a cheap attempt to make you feel like this movie has some sort of Disney magic when -- spoiler alert -- it doesn't. The song, like this movie, is uninspiring and forgettable.
Random Thoughts While Watching:
-Everybody's a winner...except this movie. At the end of the film, all the animals come back from a State Fair with shiny blue first place ribbons. I MEAN ALL THE ANIMALS. Sure, why not. This story makes no sense anyway, so everyone gets a blue ribbon!
Closing Thoughts:
Home on the Range failed hard at the box office and with critics. It is often blamed for putting traditionally-animated films out of business, considering its quality consensus-wise, and the fact that it was the last traditionally-animated Disney film released in theaters until The Princess and the Frog in 2009.
There is a reason this movie failed hard and why no one ever talks about it: it's dumb and completely out of touch. As Kevin Malone from "The Office" says, "Oh no, it's bad. It's real bad. It's like eating a hot circle of garbage." Watching 83 minutes of Home on the Range is like eating a hot circle of garbage.
The bottom line: Home on the Range is a terrible disappointment of a movie. It has an uninspired plot with characters we never grow to care about, much less love.
Easily the worst entry in Disney's animated canon thus far.
My Rating: 2/10
